Let’s talk about the fear that if you really showed up, said what you meant, or took up space, people might think you’re too much.

It’s the fear I see in so many brilliant women in HR. Women who are empathetic, emotionally intelligent, and deeply committed to people and purpose, but who’ve internalised the idea that confidence is somehow arrogant. That self-advocacy might make you a problem. That asking for what you want is a threat to your likeability.

Nope. I call bullshit. Here’s what I think has been happening:

You’ve been shrinking to fit a system that was never built with you in mind. And now it’s time to break out of the box.

Where Did Your Confidence Go?

Confidence doesn’t disappear overnight, it erodes slowly and quietly. It happens every time you’re talked over in meetings. Or when your ideas are watered down to make other people comfortable. Every time you’re told you should be less ’emotional’ when you speak up. And it 100% disappears when you prioritise everyone else’s needs over your own.

If you’re second guessing yourself, it’s no wonder. It’s exactly what people expect of us.

Reclaiming Confidence Isn’t About Being Loud

Confidence isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room. It’s not ego, and it’s definitely not bulldozing other people.

Confidence is calm, grounded and clear. It’s about showing up with the energy of “I back myself” and asking for what you need whilst holding boundaries that honour your wellbeing (without apology).

3 Reframes to Build Your Confidence Again

Let’s start with defining what confidence really is. Confidence is the willingness to try, with the faith that you’ll be OK, whatever the outcome. Whatever the outcome. This is where most of us get stuck. We get fixated on what the outcome ‘should be’ or what the outcome is that’d be the very worst thing that could happen. The outcome will be whatever the outcome will be – and you’re going to be OK regardless.

Try these reframes on for size too:

🔁 Reframe 1: “I don’t want to come across as difficult”
👉 Try: “I’m allowed to make things easier for myself.”

🔁 Reframe 2: “They won’t like me if I push back”
👉 Try: “If they only like me when I don’t have needs, that’s not like, that’s control.”

🔁 Reframe 3: “I don’t know if I’m good enough to ask for more”
👉 Try: “If I’m showing up every day, giving my all, I’ve already earned the right.”

The Confidence You Want is Already In You

This isn’t about becoming someone new, it’s about unlearning everything that made you doubt who you already are.

You don’t need to prove yourself more and you don’t need another qualification.

You just need to stop gaslighting yourself into silence.

You are not too much. You’re powerful, and sometimes that’s too much for people. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a ‘them’ problem to me?

Want to feel more confident without burning out or becoming someone you’re not?

This is the work I do every day with brilliant women in HR who are ready to lead from a place of power and peace. Let’s make sure your self-expression is no longer the first thing you compromise. Book a call with me to get started.