I used to.

I would spend so much energy trying to phrase things just right – making sure every angle was covered, every potential misunderstanding pre-empted. I’d do mental gymnastics to soften my message so much that more often than not, the moment had passed. The conversation had moved on. And there I was, holding the perfect point with no platform left to share it.

And when it came to advocating for myself? Forget it.

Speaking up in a meeting to share a professional opinion was nerve-wracking enough. But expressing how someone’s behaviour affected me? Setting a boundary? Saying no when someone expected a yes? That felt completely out of reach.

I was so focused on not rocking the boat, so worried about being seen as difficult, emotional, or unlikeable, that I silenced myself. I couldn’t even admit I didn’t enjoy a meal at a restaurant let alone call out the toxic behaviour of a demanding (or sometimes downright degrading) colleague.

The Cost of Holding Back

But holding back doesn’t protect us. It hurts us.

I see this same pattern all the time with my coaching clients. It often shows up first as frustration. Why do certain people dominate the conversation even when what they’re saying isn’t particularly insightful? Why does their voice carry weight, while mine feels undervalued? Why bother speaking up when it feels like no one’s listening anyway?

As a result, we retreat. We give less of ourselves. We offer the watered-down, more “palatable” version – keeping the truth locked inside, along with the frustration, resentment, and exhaustion.

Rocking the Boat Feels Risky

Why do we do it?

For many of my clients, the answer is simple: security.

Rocking the boat feels risky when your job is your livelihood – when you’re the primary earner, or contributing to a lifestyle you’ve worked incredibly hard to build. The stakes feel too high to challenge the status quo.

But here’s a question I keep coming back to:

Can we ever have true security without safety?

If you’re regularly holding back anger or swallowing your truth, chances are your body doesn’t feel safe. A dysregulated nervous system isn’t just a wellness issue, it’s a signal that something deeper is off.

Because how secure is your job, really, if it’s costing you your health?
How solid is a workplace that doesn’t welcome your voice unless it’s watered down?
How safe is it to build a life around constant self-abandonment?

The Truth About Being Fully Expressed

These days, I’ve become more and more comfortable speaking my truth. And many of you are here because something I said resonated with you.

But not everyone likes what I say. And that’s okay.

There will always be people who find your voice too loud, too emotional, too much.

Here’s the truth to get comfortable with:

Being fully expressed might make you unlikeable to some.
But being silent will almost certainly make you unlike yourself.