It’s not me, it’s you


It’s all getting a bit exciting at the moment, isn’t it. Talk of ‘the great resignation’. A trial 4 day working week in the UK. Employers struggling to recruit to roles because candidates are demanding more. I like it a lot. It feels like collectively we’ve taken a big long look at what we really want, and we’re increasingly reluctant to accept anything less.

As someone who advocates being unstoppable in the pursuit of what we really want, I’m well up for it. About time too. Because for too long it’s been the accepted norm that you have to give your whole self to a job, that employment and wellness are incompatible and that our workplaces tolerate a narrow range of successful behaviours that at best causes confidence crises in a few, and at worst completely marginalises sections of our society.

So if now is the time for change, what’s stopping us?

The three traps

There are three categories of ‘traps’ that are keeping us stuck in a job:

  • The daily grind trap
    • This is all about the practicalities. How do you look for a job when you’re busy in a job? How are you meant to do anything in the evenings when you’re exhausted from your day?
  • The confidence trap
    • The definition of confidence is “the feeling or belief that one can have faith in, or rely on someone or something.” Now translate that to self-confidence and it’s easy to see why we might stay put somewhere for too long!
  • The fear trap
    • Not going to lie, when we look at what’s really going on underneath the other two traps, it’s likely that there’s some kind of fear at play. Fear of what other people will think. Fear of what might happen. Fear of what might not happen. Fear of failure.

The thing about these traps is that they’re all related. If you’re stuck in the daily grind and not actively replenishing your energy, you’ll be in survival mode. When you’re in survival mode, you’re more likely to make mistakes AND take those mistakes more personally, which in turn feeds into the fear because you’re more likely to think the worst about what could happen than you are to think about the possibilities.

First, replenish your energy

If I was to ask you how replenished and full of life you are right now, I’d take a guess you’d probably look at me a bit weirdly and tell me to go forth and multiply. As if there isn’t enough to do without having to fit in ‘self-care’ (said with an eye roll). I get it, most women I work with tend to put other people’s needs first and their own are way down on their list of priorities. I think this is particularly pertinent in a profession like HR where most of us are drawn to helping people too.

But here’s the thing. If you’re really interested in making a change, you need your best thinking about it. And if you’re depleted, overwhelmed and maybe even at burn out, you won’t have access to everything you need for your best thinking. Credit to Dr Joanna Martin, the founder of One of many (R) who shared this important distinction:

“What if we shifted our thinking from ‘what should I do differently?’ to ‘how could I support myself differently?'”

-Dr Joanna Martin

If you’re serious about making this your time for change, how could you support yourself differently to make that a reality? How would you need to be with yourself to give you the resources you need?

I shared more tips on how to overcome these traps in a webinar that you can access a recording of by registering your details here. And if you already know that you’d like to make this the time that you make the change for you, click below to find out more about the Beyond HR 8 week programme designed to hold your hand as you take your first tentative steps into the unknown, right through to boldly stepping into what you really want.

If I can share one more thing with you, it’s this. Your job isn’t worth your health. Your job isn’t worth your self-worth. Your job isn’t worth sacrificing the things and the people you love. If you’re in a role that makes you feel compromised in any way you need to know it’s not you, it’s your employer. Take back your power.

Interested in finding out more?

Book a free call with me today

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